Connection to self: No more wishing your butt was smaller, your legs longer, your breast perkier – you are perfect just the way you are.

Stop focusing on the negative self-talk and start focusing on the positive. Stand in front of the mirror every morning and greet yourself with a smile and say “hello, you look fabulous” or “hello sexy” and do it with some serious attitude!

Get comfortable with your body. Spend as much time as you can naked – do the laundry, the chores, whatever you normally do at home!

Wear some soft feminine clothes and colours.

Put a few favourite photos of yourself up on the fridge, so when you see them, you can smile at them.

Go out without knickers on. Dance, move your hips – pretend you’re a belly dancer.

Put aside the comfy bra and bonds knickers and pop some sexy lingerie on, even if it’s just under your track pants. It’s that knowing you’ve got them like it’s your sexy secret that can start to help you feel “sexy”.

Get in touch with your body, tap into the sensual you and erotic part of you which can then ignite the sexual you.

Move to self-pleasuring which is the ultimate self-care program for your whole being. Sexual energy is your life force, when you can connect to yourself that definitely translates to feeling “sexy”.

Emotional wellbeing: How is your self talk? Is it negative? Start to notice what you say and how you say it. If it’s more negative, more grumpy, more frustrated then there is no way you can channel your sexy.  So we need to look at how we can reframe things, turn our negatives around. Sometimes it’s great to write down all the negative things and then look at how you can turn it into something positive. It’s a gentle way of reframing.

Every morning write 5 things about what you’re grateful for. Read back those statements and say “thank you”, 3 times. As you do that, breathe it into your system and feel the thanks and gratitude in your body. When you go to sleep at night, hold a crystal or a pebble and think about the day that’s been and choose 1 thing and give thanks to it and again say “thank you”, 3 times. When you start and end the day with gratitude, it shifts things energetically for you, it softens you, which contributes to your thinking.

When your emotional well being is taken care of you and you start to feel good about yourself, start loving yourself, then that translates to “sexy”

Health: Do a checklist and see where things could change. It doesn’t mean you have to be a size 6 or 8. We can feel sexy at any size. It’s about re-evaluating what you are doing around your health and what can you improve on. Are there areas in your diet that you can make a few changes? Are you eating donuts, chocolate or drinking every day? If so, then maybe you can look at cutting that down to just once a week.  Making a few tweaks can help you to start feeling healthier which contributes to your overall feeling of “sexy”.

Health also includes exercise, are you doing any movement at all? No matter what age some form of exercise is beneficial, so what can you do to bring some changes in around this. When you get into exercise it kicks in the endorphins which is the feel-good hormone and that not only contributes to feeling good, it can translate into “sexy”.

Nurture and self-care: Have a massage, get your nails done. Meditate, even if it’s for 10 minutes a day. It’s great to just have some quiet time of just nothing, be in the stillness, it’s very restorative.

Get out in nature, use essential oils, light candles

When you nurture yourself in some way when you do something just for you, it helps you to feel special and that translates to “sexy”.

Fun and play: Get in touch with your inner child, grab a mandala colouring book and do some colouring in. That can be fun and quite meditative at the same time.

Pump up the music and dance, watch comedy and laugh, blow bubbles

If you have a partner, do somebody painting

When you can start to play and have fun it lightens your energy and that can translate to feeling “sexy”.


Pauline Ryeland, Intimacy Whisperer ® works as an Intimacy, Sex & Relationship Coach & Educator.  She is a certified Somatic Sexological Body Worker, Tantra Teacher & Facilitator and a Master Trainer & Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Advanced Subconscious Reprogramming, Errikson Hypnotherapy, a Results Coach & Performance Consultant and Access Consciousness Body facilitator.

Pauline works as a Transformational Coach and Leader, working with individuals and couples around challenges they may be experiencing with intimacy, sex, relationships and everything in between.  Pauline works with all aspects of mind, body and spirit to bring you to a place of alignment with your intimate and sexual desires.

Working with a combination of all her practices, Pauline works with men in all aspects of their sexual health issues as well as working with women who have lost their libido, experiencing painful sex and not experiencing orgasm.

Pauline is passionate about awakening people to their full potential as sexual beings as well sustainability of relationships, helping couples to deepen their connections.

Mobile: 0411 701 594