We’ve all been there. At a particular point in time, or at a particular event where you have lacked confidence. You may feel small, unworthy or just not good enough.
It is an uncomfortable feeling. I know.
When you lack in confidence there is often a lot of:
- self-doubt,
- fear,
- negative self-talk,
- and perhaps you even hideaway.
Confidence has been something I have lacked in most of my life. But I was always good at pretending I was confident. I would put up this tough outer shield that would protect me, but on the inside, I was a hot mess!
I was often uncomfortable, stomach in knots, there was a constant dialogue of negative self-talk running through my head and an underlying feeling that I just wasn’t good enough.
Any of this sound familiar?
I remember a time at University where I had to do a presentation in front of the entire class. I was nervous and absolutely hated having to do public speaking. I remember feeling hot and clammy, my stomach hurt and I had adrenalin pumping through my body. As I stood at the front of the class, I realised I didn’t even know where to put my hands so I shoved them in my pockets and stood completely frozen to the spot, reading my cue cards, unable to give any eye contact to anyone in the room. I felt sick to the stomach but managed to get through the presentation.
The feedback from the Tutor was that I appeared confident and presented well yet lacked eye contact. What?! I felt like a fraud. An imposter. How could I look confident when I felt completely out of my depth?
Since then, I have done a lot of self-development and confronting inner work to get me to the point where I now feel confident in myself inside and out. Even when I feel the nerves creeping in – which they still do – I have this unwavering inner confidence that I know is there supporting me and pushing me forward. I now work with women 1:1 and in small groups to help them grow their confidence and eliminate self-doubt.
So what are some top tips you can do to begin to grow your confidence right now?
- Dress for success. This is one of the simplest things you can do to begin to feel confident right now. When you feel good in the clothes you are wearing, you will begin to exude natural confidence. So get out of the house clothes, the mum uniform or your old jeans and step into an outfit that makes you feel amazing. Do your hair, put on some fancy earrings and your lippy and notice how you feel. Easy!
- Focus on what you want, rather than what you don’t want. As women, many of us have a habit of focusing on what we don’t want, the worst possible outcome even. When we do this we begin to operate out of fear and our body will go into fight or flight mode. Fight or flight mode is our body’s natural response to danger. And because our mind cannot tell the difference between real and perceived danger, our body has the same response to a story we are telling ourselves as it does to a real physical threat. But when we switch our focus to what we do want, or the best possible outcome, we begin to naturally look for opportunities to achieve this outcome. We begin to move towards what we want. And as we begin to move towards what we want, we begin to feel more confident.
So focus on what you do want in every situation and notice as your confidence grows. - Make the voice in your head your best friend. We all have a little voice in our heads. For women, this voice in our heads can often be our biggest critic or worst enemy. It is always making us second guess ourselves, creating doubt and contributing to a lack of confidence.
So we need to begin to have more conversations with this little voice in our head and we need to change the tone in which we talk to this voice. We need to make this voice in our head our best friend. As we make this voice in our head our best friend, it will begin to cheer us on, congratulate us and push us forward in situations we may need a little push. The voice in our head will be there with us every step of the way helping us to grow our confidence and remove self-doubt.
When you are with your best friend, you will feel more confident in every situation.
These 3 tips can help you begin to grow your confidence right now! Confidence is like a muscle and can be strengthened over time. Every time you do something to grow your confidence, you are strengthening that muscle and helping yourself to develop an unwavering belief in yourself.
Every woman deserves to be confident. YOU deserve to be confident.
Riannah is an Adelaide based Women’s Confidence Coach. She works with women 1:1 and in small groups to create change at an unconscious level. Through using a combination of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), hypnotherapy and accountability coaching she helps women grow confidence, eliminate self-doubt and overcome anxiety.
Further details can be found at http://www.riannahroach.com.
